Escape Simulator (Review)

Source: Cashmoneys
Price: £11.99 (£3.19 soundtrack)
Where To Get It: Steam

You know, frustration is a powerful motivator for buying games sometimes. You see someone else play it, grit your teeth at the things they’re missing, or the obvious solution they’re not getting…

And then you play it yourself, and have a good meal of crow as you realise at least some of it isn’t anywhere near as easy as you thought it would be.

Argh. Crap. I see a lot of text here… But it’s CLUES, dammit!

This, in summary, was my early experience with Escape Simulator, a first person escape room game. And, honestly, that speaks in its favour, that what at first seems easy isn’t when you actually get down to it.

For those who haven’t experienced an escape room before, it’s usually a single room (multiple room escape rooms exist, but they’re less common) in which you solve puzzles to obtain the parts you need to achieve your objective. It isn’t always escape, but it most often is. Solve the riddle, and get a key to unlock a drawer, which contains a puzzle element for a major riddle, solve a few more, thus solving the major element, solve a few major elements to obtain the final key, that sort of thing. It’s pretty fun, and can be done solo or with friends.

Likewise, Escape Room can be played multiplayer, and it’s about as chaotic as you’d expect, since, after all, some puzzles require multiple elements, people accidentally drop things or forget they’ve got things… But definitely fun. It’s got some good UX elements too, like an indicator as to whether something’s a key item. Kind of important, since there’s a lot of trash, and you might accidentally throw something into the sole trash bin of each room, y’know?

Do love me a haunted occultist’s mansion, so I do. Gimme lots of money, I want one for myself!

In any case, the base game has 4 areas (plus a tutorial level and shorter, christmas themed one), each with a theme, and several rooms to complete. They don’t have to be completed in order, but they do tell a story of sorts, be it climbing a pyramid, or infiltrating EvilCorp Incorporated, so I would say do them in order. Each has some sort of unique element to it, with my personal favourite being the computer based puzzles of the infiltration (oh, BASIC, how I’ve missed you!), and my least favourite being the server puzzle in the SF themed area. Lovely. A puzzle in which I’m having to keep track of several flashes from three bloody sides. God fucking dammit.

But overall, it looks nice, the UX is clear, the puzzle hints are clear, the audio, such as it is, is nice, and the soft avatars add this element of friendliness that helps release tension some in multiplayer (and gives you a little extra dose of the warm fuzzies when you’re done with a room.) It ain’t bad at all.

Ahahahaha, oh, this brings back memories. I even used to have a tape drive like the one on the left!

I will say, however, that without some level of procgen on the puzzles, a small amount of randomisation, that you’re not going to get that many replays out of the main levels. That’s what the community levels are for.

Overall, I do like Escape Simulator. But, like pretty much any Escape Room game, I wish there was more to it, or, more accurately, that I could get my brain together enough to use the editor effectively. And, y’know, you always wish for a customised part, am I right?

The Mad Welshman has escaped his room several times. It’s a surprisingly complicated procedure.

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Powerwash Simulator (Early Access Review)

Source: Cashmoneys
Price: £15.99
Where To Get It: Steam

Muckingham, a town where beautification committees are considered quaint, and where Health and Safety Inspectors dare not enter, for fear of their lives, has a new hero. The hero they need. The hero they may or may not deserve. The one who’s going to clean up this town!

Hitting tab allows you to gauge the herculean task in front of you. And whether you missed a spot.

Oh, I’m sorry, was the title not clear enough that all that heroic guff was hyperbole, and that it is, in fact, a relaxing game about washing things with a high pressure hose, a variety of nozzles, and whatever background music you choose to put on, for the game deliberately has none? Because yes, it’s a game about cleaning things, both big and small, with a high pressure hose, a variety of nozzles, and whatever background music you choose to put on.

It’s pretty clever, actually. Because it’s not only a game you can take at your own pace, nobody can actually say it isn’t a challenge. That one tiny nook you missed, that’s stopping you from that dopamine inducing ting of “This has been cleaned now!” That swearing as you realise that your quick sweep has just left dirt that you can’t see, outside of your super-power of briefly turning dirt bright yellow, but is nonetheless all over the sodding place. Oh, and let us not forget trying to find that one support or timber out of 21 (people who’ve already bought the game know exactly what I mean) that has only mostly been cleaned.

Considering the state of Muckingham, I’m assuming it went on the “Nearly Unused” listing on mBay.

It’s got it’s challenges, that’s for sure. But it’s well designed, in that it’ll give you a big one, maybe a couple of big ones… Then a smaller job. Then a few more big ones, maybe a medium one, smaller job, so on… It’s well paced, in its career mode, and the writing of the characters who hire you is humorous indeed. From the old park keeper who doesn’t understand why people are complaining about a little bit of muck (read: The whole fucking park), to the bakery folks who live in a rustic cottage, one Hansel and Gretel Hexenjager, who are definitely bakers and not anything else!

It’s pretty accessible, with a right click toggle of the water to save your poor finger if you wish (although alas, your wrist is likely to suffer if you play for long periods), clear UX, the bright yellow of the dirt sight clearly contrasting with a good 99% of the surfaces (so even though some grime may not be visible at first glance, it will always be when you Tab to check), colour coding for your nozzles…

And, aesthetically, it’s solid. Often bright, colourful locations, making a night and day transition from Ye Liveliest Awfulness to pristine, friendly locales, the sound of the pressure washer against various surfaces is relaxing, and fitting… It doesn’t have music, it’s true, but this is a deliberate decision so you can put your own on.

Your reward for a job well done is to see the work you’ve done… Being done. Ah, watching that dirt vanish in moments is… Slightly taunting the time you actually took doing it…

I like Powerwash Simulator already, a bunch, and I’m very unlikely to change this opinion. There’s a lot of rinsey, bubbly bang for your buck if you’re into nice, relaxing simulation games that aren’t really simulations, per se, but are good enough that you can imagine you’re having a nice, relaxing time drenching things at high pressure and watching the muck and grime and rust melt away…

…Ahhh, bliss. Even for a mucky pup like myself!

Oh, and the Multiplayer Beta dropped, so soon, you’ll be able to powerwash with your friends, too, wheeee!

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Hell Architect (Review)

Source: Review Copy
Price: £19.49
Where To Get It: Steam

Much like describing my issues with demons/Lucifer as tempters, knowing where the hell (ha) to start with this review has been difficult for me. But what I can say is that I felt… An odd sense of disappointment with it. Maybe I’m just being picky. Maybe. But nonetheless, let’s start there.

Hahaha, clothes? Why would you need clothes in hell?… I bet you’re all 1%ers too, how does it feel to lose your underwear, let alone your shirt?

There is, on the surface, nothing wrong with Hell Architect. It’s one of those pauseable real time management and building deals, in which you take care of your sinners while torturing them (sinners, apparently, still need food, drink, and proper toilet breaks (to make drinks) in Hell), building various things to look good to your boss (Lucifer, naturally), set underground (again, this is natural and common imagery of Hell), coming with a sandbox (the most commonly played), a solid tutorial, and scenarios to play with. All well and good.

Except… I can’t help but compare it to an earlier game, not only because of the (very) similar gameplay, but because it’s precisely why I feel so dissatisfied. The game being Oxygen Not Included (review here.)

Always fond of a wee cutscene, and I do like the painted aesthetic on display…

Aesthetically, it’s alright. UX is a little small, even on max scaling (upside: It has UX scaling. No congratulations, devs, this really should be normal across the games industry), but the cutscenes are visually appealing, what’s what is pretty clear, the music’s fitting, and the voice acting’s solid.

But it’s lacking the same character I saw in Oxygen Not Included, except with the torture devices. It… Feels blander, if that makes sense. And this is the thing… If I didn’t have this comparison, it would be an alright game in my book. Hell, it still is, perfectly serviceable, lots of playtime ahead, things to look forward to, tortures, etcetera.

Wh-whoah-whoah-whoah-whoah-whoah… They actually do have needs? Well, shit…

Even so, this is one of those times where, despite my heavy dislike of doing this, I can’t help but compare it to another game, and find it wanting in comparison. Maybe, if you like strategy/management/building type deals, you’ll find pleasure in this. For me, however, it just didn’t gel, even if that feels unfair to say, even to me.

I can’t ignore the emotional component of playing a game, however. That, as well, wouldn’t be fair.

The Mad Welshman doesn’t mind visiting Hell. They’re all pretty chill down there. Very big on responsibility for one’s actions…

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Foreclosed (Review)

Source: Review Copy
Price: £13.49
Where To Get It: Steam

Cyberpunk. Proper cyberpunk, not neo-futurism or cyber SF. Comic book aesthetic. Stealth, gunplay, hacking… You’d think this was right up my street.

But, in short, it’s not. I quite Foreclosed pretty early, and I’m not ashamed to say that. Because, on several levels, it just. Didn’t. Work for me. We’ll get into it after I explain what the game is.

Mmmm… A stealth section where I don’t have quite as much info as I’d like. Well, the important stuff is there, at least.

So, a third person (occasionally switching to first person, more on that in a bit) shooter with levelling, stealth kills, stealth, low health (at least to start), and “hit arrows in the right order” based hacking minigames. Oh, and the stealth kill is a QTE, button mashing 2. That’s your basics, right there. So… Let’s get into the few parts it got right, and then… The bits it got wrong.

In terms of general aesthetics, the music was good, tense stuff, chilling out during the quiet moments, the comic book aesthetic was indeed like some gritty inks I’ve seen in the past with colour, the voice acting (what I heard of it, anyway), was good, the comic booky bits looked good, and…

He’s a big feller.

That’s pretty much it. That’s… Pretty much it. Our protagonist takes up a lot of screen real estate, switches between walking and running… Well, seemingly in predetermined areas that nonetheless feel random, it switched to full screen mode whenever I came back to the main menu, keys don’t appear to be rebindable, default mouselook is fast, the first person camera has headbob you can’t turn off (and has a disorienting switch), the third person can sometimes be fucky, and there are segments where you’re forced into a different third person perspective than “behind the protagonist” (thankfully with absolute movement controls, so left is still left, right still right, and so on.)

And this was just what I saw in the first… checks… Half hour. I died precisely twice, once in the first stealth section (that one was most definitely my fault), and once in the first proper shooting segment (that… The protagonist is pretty squishy, the cover’s not great…)

Dead. And again. And again…

I’d have maybe switched to a lower difficulty (yes, there is a lower difficulty), but when I see this many problems this early on? Foreclosed was definitely not for me. I’m honestly glad I found this out early, even considering this is a review copy.

It’s a shame, really. There’s enough of interest here that if these problems were fixed, maybe it would be a fun, interesting romp, much like one of its main inspirations, XIII. But alas, it was not to be.

The Mad Welshman sighed as he looked at the television screen sky, and puffed on his neon vape. Time to get back to the grind…

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Tetrix (Review)

Source: Cashmoneys
Price: £5.19
Where To Get It: Steam

Wow, I haven’t seen this since FRAC, way back in the day… Legally distinct falling tetromino (well, not always) game, but in 3D, with a top down perspective, good luuuuuck!

No, really, if you get this I hope you have fun with it, because when I played this sort of game way back in the day, it was fun. Y’see, you can rotate in three dimensions, so more options, more thought, and, at high levels, more panic. The good stuff!

Let’s face it, do you need any other screenshots?

And, aesthetically, it’s alright! Nice vapourwave tunes, I’m good with those, a few UX themes to pick from, good colour differentiation, clear UX, and block types, yes! Although, sadly, none of the fun bullshittery of ye days of yore, like 4x4x6 blocks, or the dread CORNER T-BLOCK (no, really.)

My only problems with the game? Well… A few typos. Free Mode, Campaign mode. That’s… About it. It even starts nice and slow, adjusts the speed you start at in free mode, and, while it takes some getting used to (Check your controls for what’s X, Y, and Z rotation), once you get the hang of it, it’s pretty fun to play if you like Ye Olde Block Fallinge Game.

I do still wish it had some sillier blocks though, that was half the fun of some of the older varieties of this concept. Ah well. Another solid game, another game simple enough to understand and talk about that this entire sentence is simply padding. Give it a go if you like that one game which shares five letters with this one. You know the one.

The Mad Welshman loves spatial puzzles. Like where the hell to fit this book he just got. No, he doesn’t have a bibliophilia problem, why would you possibly ask that?!?

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