Escape Simulator (Review)

Source: Cashmoneys
Price: £11.99 (£3.19 soundtrack)
Where To Get It: Steam

You know, frustration is a powerful motivator for buying games sometimes. You see someone else play it, grit your teeth at the things they’re missing, or the obvious solution they’re not getting…

And then you play it yourself, and have a good meal of crow as you realise at least some of it isn’t anywhere near as easy as you thought it would be.

Argh. Crap. I see a lot of text here… But it’s CLUES, dammit!

This, in summary, was my early experience with Escape Simulator, a first person escape room game. And, honestly, that speaks in its favour, that what at first seems easy isn’t when you actually get down to it.

For those who haven’t experienced an escape room before, it’s usually a single room (multiple room escape rooms exist, but they’re less common) in which you solve puzzles to obtain the parts you need to achieve your objective. It isn’t always escape, but it most often is. Solve the riddle, and get a key to unlock a drawer, which contains a puzzle element for a major riddle, solve a few more, thus solving the major element, solve a few major elements to obtain the final key, that sort of thing. It’s pretty fun, and can be done solo or with friends.

Likewise, Escape Room can be played multiplayer, and it’s about as chaotic as you’d expect, since, after all, some puzzles require multiple elements, people accidentally drop things or forget they’ve got things… But definitely fun. It’s got some good UX elements too, like an indicator as to whether something’s a key item. Kind of important, since there’s a lot of trash, and you might accidentally throw something into the sole trash bin of each room, y’know?

Do love me a haunted occultist’s mansion, so I do. Gimme lots of money, I want one for myself!

In any case, the base game has 4 areas (plus a tutorial level and shorter, christmas themed one), each with a theme, and several rooms to complete. They don’t have to be completed in order, but they do tell a story of sorts, be it climbing a pyramid, or infiltrating EvilCorp Incorporated, so I would say do them in order. Each has some sort of unique element to it, with my personal favourite being the computer based puzzles of the infiltration (oh, BASIC, how I’ve missed you!), and my least favourite being the server puzzle in the SF themed area. Lovely. A puzzle in which I’m having to keep track of several flashes from three bloody sides. God fucking dammit.

But overall, it looks nice, the UX is clear, the puzzle hints are clear, the audio, such as it is, is nice, and the soft avatars add this element of friendliness that helps release tension some in multiplayer (and gives you a little extra dose of the warm fuzzies when you’re done with a room.) It ain’t bad at all.

Ahahahaha, oh, this brings back memories. I even used to have a tape drive like the one on the left!

I will say, however, that without some level of procgen on the puzzles, a small amount of randomisation, that you’re not going to get that many replays out of the main levels. That’s what the community levels are for.

Overall, I do like Escape Simulator. But, like pretty much any Escape Room game, I wish there was more to it, or, more accurately, that I could get my brain together enough to use the editor effectively. And, y’know, you always wish for a customised part, am I right?

The Mad Welshman has escaped his room several times. It’s a surprisingly complicated procedure.

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Gnosia (Review)

Source: Cashmoneys
Price: £19.49
Where To Get It: Steam

Oh hell… I got played by Comet… Comet, the worst liar on the ship outside of Shigemichi… She’d collaborated with me early on, and then… She voted me out in the final round. She wasn’t even a Gnosia, the other one was…

But here’s the thing… It was loop 40. And the characters get stat boosts and new abilities over time, just like you do. And, in the end, while I was a good orator, people had gotten tired of my shit, because I talked too much.

I mean, you do… But I apologise for being played by a Gnosia and voting you out on their recommendation.

Here’s the takeaways, and they’re important for playing Gnosia overall: Be suspicious of even those you think are close friends… And consider your moves carefully, because, in this visual novel game of mafia, even the basics of accuse, cover, defend, and argue can backfire on you. And, throughout it all, you’re trying to understand what’s even going on. Why are you entering all these alternate timelines? What are the Gnosia, the mafia of this game who can erase one person from reality each night? What are the Bugs, the people who can destroy the universe with their paradoxical presence? And… Who the hell are you and these other people anyway?

Right, a brief note on Mafia or Werewolf for those who don’t know. There are the killers, who can kill each night. It goes day, night, day, night, and each day, the group argues as to who the killer is (in Gnosia, there is no choice but to vote, even on the first day, by the way.) The game then introduces other roles: The AC Follower, who doesn’t know who the Gnosia are, but sows confusion in their name. The Bug, who, if they survive, win the game (and destroy that universe.) The Engineer, who can check someone each night to see if they’re Gnosia. The Doctor, who can check who you voted out each night to see if they were Gnosia. The Guardian Angels, who can protect one person a night, but not themselves, and The Guards, a pair who, if they declare themselves, can permanently remove suspicion of them, because no-one else can claim their role, unlike the Doctor or Engineer.

Yes, this isn’t a main game screenshot. But I always find it nice to note when there’s an enby option. Y’know, what with being an enby and all…

There’s your summary. Now, onto the aesthetics and the writing. Aesthetically, it’s simultaneously lovely, with its hand painted characters, and off, because there’s always something a little weird about the characters, exaggerated when they’re Gnosia, and they’ve won, showing their true colours. It’s accessible and friendly, with a sans serif font, clear icons, no faffing about that obscures things… I like it.

The writing is less clear cut, because, outside of character specific events, the introduction of features, and the occasional snippet, there’s not a whole lot of it. Is that a point against it? Well… No. Because the characters are fleshed out, the snippets are interesting (particularly amusing is the one where either Jonas or Shigemichi, an overly verbose and poetic captain and a gullible guy who alienised himself, out themselves as Gnosia because they couldn’t possibly lose that videogame they’re passionate about!), and these are clues as to who to trust. They tell you a little about their behaviours, who they’ll pick on, who they’ll defend. Kukrushka, for example, will defend you with all her sweet, mute heart if you’re her friend, but if you’re her enemy? Oh boy, she’s going to hate you and go after you every chance she gets. They’re helpful, and honestly, the whole cast is likeable, even Raqio, the smug nonbinary fucko (yes, there are queer folks in this game, another plus) who values intelligence over everything.

Gina is, honestly, one of my favourite characters. Stay strong, sad, quiet girl… <3

And some characters definitely appear to know more than they’re letting on. Hi, Yuriko.

Overall, I like Gnosia. It’s simple, it’s replayable by design, and while certain characters are a bitch to get all their fragments from (you have to futz with the difficulty to get a chance of ideal circumstances), it’s a pleasure to get to know a little more about them… And the overarching mysteries of the game. My only bitch about the port is a pretty minor one, and that’s that the mouse controls seem a bit finicky. But only a bit, there’s keyboard and controller to play, and it’s turn based, so no big.

The Mad Welshman is sus no matter what happens, so hey, vote him out, doom yourselves by all means!

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Foreclosed (Review)

Source: Review Copy
Price: £13.49
Where To Get It: Steam

Cyberpunk. Proper cyberpunk, not neo-futurism or cyber SF. Comic book aesthetic. Stealth, gunplay, hacking… You’d think this was right up my street.

But, in short, it’s not. I quite Foreclosed pretty early, and I’m not ashamed to say that. Because, on several levels, it just. Didn’t. Work for me. We’ll get into it after I explain what the game is.

Mmmm… A stealth section where I don’t have quite as much info as I’d like. Well, the important stuff is there, at least.

So, a third person (occasionally switching to first person, more on that in a bit) shooter with levelling, stealth kills, stealth, low health (at least to start), and “hit arrows in the right order” based hacking minigames. Oh, and the stealth kill is a QTE, button mashing 2. That’s your basics, right there. So… Let’s get into the few parts it got right, and then… The bits it got wrong.

In terms of general aesthetics, the music was good, tense stuff, chilling out during the quiet moments, the comic book aesthetic was indeed like some gritty inks I’ve seen in the past with colour, the voice acting (what I heard of it, anyway), was good, the comic booky bits looked good, and…

He’s a big feller.

That’s pretty much it. That’s… Pretty much it. Our protagonist takes up a lot of screen real estate, switches between walking and running… Well, seemingly in predetermined areas that nonetheless feel random, it switched to full screen mode whenever I came back to the main menu, keys don’t appear to be rebindable, default mouselook is fast, the first person camera has headbob you can’t turn off (and has a disorienting switch), the third person can sometimes be fucky, and there are segments where you’re forced into a different third person perspective than “behind the protagonist” (thankfully with absolute movement controls, so left is still left, right still right, and so on.)

And this was just what I saw in the first… checks… Half hour. I died precisely twice, once in the first stealth section (that one was most definitely my fault), and once in the first proper shooting segment (that… The protagonist is pretty squishy, the cover’s not great…)

Dead. And again. And again…

I’d have maybe switched to a lower difficulty (yes, there is a lower difficulty), but when I see this many problems this early on? Foreclosed was definitely not for me. I’m honestly glad I found this out early, even considering this is a review copy.

It’s a shame, really. There’s enough of interest here that if these problems were fixed, maybe it would be a fun, interesting romp, much like one of its main inspirations, XIII. But alas, it was not to be.

The Mad Welshman sighed as he looked at the television screen sky, and puffed on his neon vape. Time to get back to the grind…

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Tetrix (Review)

Source: Cashmoneys
Price: £5.19
Where To Get It: Steam

Wow, I haven’t seen this since FRAC, way back in the day… Legally distinct falling tetromino (well, not always) game, but in 3D, with a top down perspective, good luuuuuck!

No, really, if you get this I hope you have fun with it, because when I played this sort of game way back in the day, it was fun. Y’see, you can rotate in three dimensions, so more options, more thought, and, at high levels, more panic. The good stuff!

Let’s face it, do you need any other screenshots?

And, aesthetically, it’s alright! Nice vapourwave tunes, I’m good with those, a few UX themes to pick from, good colour differentiation, clear UX, and block types, yes! Although, sadly, none of the fun bullshittery of ye days of yore, like 4x4x6 blocks, or the dread CORNER T-BLOCK (no, really.)

My only problems with the game? Well… A few typos. Free Mode, Campaign mode. That’s… About it. It even starts nice and slow, adjusts the speed you start at in free mode, and, while it takes some getting used to (Check your controls for what’s X, Y, and Z rotation), once you get the hang of it, it’s pretty fun to play if you like Ye Olde Block Fallinge Game.

I do still wish it had some sillier blocks though, that was half the fun of some of the older varieties of this concept. Ah well. Another solid game, another game simple enough to understand and talk about that this entire sentence is simply padding. Give it a go if you like that one game which shares five letters with this one. You know the one.

The Mad Welshman loves spatial puzzles. Like where the hell to fit this book he just got. No, he doesn’t have a bibliophilia problem, why would you possibly ask that?!?

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Cloud Gardens (Review)

Source: Cashmoneys
Price: £13.99
Where To Get It: Steam

Ha. The most chill post apocalyptic game has released, and I have… Mixed feelings. Not about the game, but more… Well, it suddenly feels a bit raw, a game about nature claiming our buildings, the last evidence humans were there, growing over eerily familiar environments with the power of the stuff that was put down there, making them unrecognisable…

Just, y’know, sitting here, feeding nature the remnants of our civilisation, no big…

The game, I only really have a few minor problems with. Mostly to do with tooltipping. I’m sorry, what did this moss ball do again? Why would I bother with grass? I’d like not to have a restart finding out. We’ll get to the other two bitches in time.

In any case, the game is a very simple one. In the middle of nowhere, there is an isolated segment of civilisation, be it a dump, an apartment, a toll gate, or a highway. You’re given at least one seed to start off your quest, each with their own growth patterns. For example, got a big gap between the thing and the ground? The first seed you’re ever given does that well. But it doesn’t do well with flat surfaces, that’s what vines are for (and, to a lesser extent, moss.)

See, after we’re gone, it’ll be nice and pretty, look at this picturesque scene!

Once you’ve done that, you’re given items of civilisation. They’ve got a radius, and within that radius, things will grow around where you placed that item. And your seeds will grow, and sprout seeds of their own, which you use to cover more, place more items, so on so forth, until a certain percentage of growth is completed. And heck, if you have items left, and seed power left (what, you thought they’d be mean enough to stick you to just one seed type in a mission beyond the tutorials?), then you can add more before going to the next level, just to make it a little more aesthetic. I often do.

Entirely mouse driven, the loop is simple, the UX is minimalist, yet stylish, and the low poly landscapes, isolated in cloud (geddit, you’re making- Oh, never mind) appeal to me greatly. Less appealing is how it’s sometimes hard to see planters (look for green corners on objects. Not sure if there’s a colourblindness issue there, best to check with a screenshot), and how certain objects, like bicycles, are both inherently unstable and useful. Nothing quite frustrates like placing a bike in the middle of some lush foliage to get easy seeds, only for it to fall over the exact plants you wanted to harvest, lowering your percentage and fucking you out of the seeds.

I blame Ceres Fauna.

But, overall, it’s a good, chill game. Goodness me, the post-apocalypse is a relaxing place without…

Ah. Yeah. Anyway, give it a go if you like puzzle games.

The Mad Welshman loves nature. No, really, he does! It’s full of things that are both crunchy and juicy when put over a flame of some kind!

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