Source: Birthday prezzie
Price: £39.99 base game, shedloads of DLC ranging from £3.99 to £24.99, season pass, blah blah BLARGH.
Where to Get It: Steam

Important note: This was reviewing the base game, no DLC. Still boodles of content. PSA over.

Ahhhh, I’ve been waiting for this day. Y’see, Super Robot Wars is a series that doesn’t come to the West as easily as you’d think, mainly because, well…

It’s a series with a lot of giant robots from a lot of franchises (Although, y’know, you’ve always got a high chance of getting some Gundam in there, along with “Voiced by the VA of Ray Amuro”), and so, it’s a copyright nightmare, usually requiring region locking fuckery to play.

But 30? 30’s available in my region. And so, I get to gush about the series via its installment.

Don’t worry, we’ll be getting the flaws out of the way first: Namely, oh, it’s my old friend, red on background that mostly hides red, hi! Choosing where to move is, as a consequence… Kiiind of a pain in the ass on a fair few maps. It’s also a game that completionists will love or hate, but probably tend toward the latter, as the game takes a while to play, and about 4 playthroughs are required to unlock everything in the game.

But, for the rest of us, it’s a fun turn based Strategy RPG, in which you enjoy a weird, multiple franchise story about a world racked by war, with our Protagonist (male or female) getting involved in Yet Another Giant Robot War in a World Where Giant Robot Wars Are Common. Macross pilots are on first name bases with the Mazinger crew. But, conversely, folks like Neo-Zeon can get hold of Zonder Metal, and ally themselves with all sorts of bastards and beasties.

It’s essentially either a gateway drug for Giant Robot Nerds to be, or a haven for the ones already caught like myself. Which makes it highly amusing to note that one of the franchises represented in 30 is… Knight’s and Magic, where the protagonist is, drumroll!… A Giant Robot Nerd.

God fucking bless you, Ernie.

Otherwise, there’s a lot to unpack here. Musically, it varies from alright to pretty dang good, as the vast majority of the soundtrack is various Giant Robot theme tunes, the visuals are solid, and the Live2D animations for the attacks are fun, although you’ll turn them off for each unit after a while, being a “see, enjoy, oh wait, if I let this play every time, I’ll be here for four times as long.” The story, similarly, is pulling its weight, making each robot franchise added to the mix… Mostly understandable in context?

Trust me, considering how varied some of these series are, it can definitely be considered “pulling its weight.” It’ll still be a case of Weird Dimensional Shenanigans a lot of the time, but it’s fun, the characters are fun, and their interactions make for this light fanfiction experience.

Which is basically what it is, isn’t it? Fun, SRPG fanfic of giant robots beating the shit out of other giant robots. Apart from the issue mentioned, it’s pretty accessible, as many turn based games often are, and even the whiniest of “Content per Buck” assholes can’t complain about the amount of gameplay and content. It is a heavy time investment, since missions can take anything up to 2 hours for the later, more fraught missions (mostly taking about 15-30 minutes per mission), but, for those who like turn based strategy with stat raising and buffs and skills and things (It does explain and tutorialise pretty well), and for those who like their big ol’ robutts, this is a very solid purchase indeed.

“But Mr. Welshman, you didn’t show us any of the other giant robots!”

You’re right. I didn’t. UGH, FINE…

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Source: Cashmoneys
Price: £11.99 (£3.19 soundtrack)
Where To Get It: Steam

You know, frustration is a powerful motivator for buying games sometimes. You see someone else play it, grit your teeth at the things they’re missing, or the obvious solution they’re not getting…

And then you play it yourself, and have a good meal of crow as you realise at least some of it isn’t anywhere near as easy as you thought it would be.

This, in summary, was my early experience with Escape Simulator, a first person escape room game. And, honestly, that speaks in its favour, that what at first seems easy isn’t when you actually get down to it.

For those who haven’t experienced an escape room before, it’s usually a single room (multiple room escape rooms exist, but they’re less common) in which you solve puzzles to obtain the parts you need to achieve your objective. It isn’t always escape, but it most often is. Solve the riddle, and get a key to unlock a drawer, which contains a puzzle element for a major riddle, solve a few more, thus solving the major element, solve a few major elements to obtain the final key, that sort of thing. It’s pretty fun, and can be done solo or with friends.

Likewise, Escape Room can be played multiplayer, and it’s about as chaotic as you’d expect, since, after all, some puzzles require multiple elements, people accidentally drop things or forget they’ve got things… But definitely fun. It’s got some good UX elements too, like an indicator as to whether something’s a key item. Kind of important, since there’s a lot of trash, and you might accidentally throw something into the sole trash bin of each room, y’know?

In any case, the base game has 4 areas (plus a tutorial level and shorter, christmas themed one), each with a theme, and several rooms to complete. They don’t have to be completed in order, but they do tell a story of sorts, be it climbing a pyramid, or infiltrating EvilCorp Incorporated, so I would say do them in order. Each has some sort of unique element to it, with my personal favourite being the computer based puzzles of the infiltration (oh, BASIC, how I’ve missed you!), and my least favourite being the server puzzle in the SF themed area. Lovely. A puzzle in which I’m having to keep track of several flashes from three bloody sides. God fucking dammit.

But overall, it looks nice, the UX is clear, the puzzle hints are clear, the audio, such as it is, is nice, and the soft avatars add this element of friendliness that helps release tension some in multiplayer (and gives you a little extra dose of the warm fuzzies when you’re done with a room.) It ain’t bad at all.

I will say, however, that without some level of procgen on the puzzles, a small amount of randomisation, that you’re not going to get that many replays out of the main levels. That’s what the community levels are for.

Overall, I do like Escape Simulator. But, like pretty much any Escape Room game, I wish there was more to it, or, more accurately, that I could get my brain together enough to use the editor effectively. And, y’know, you always wish for a customised part, am I right?

The Mad Welshman has escaped his room several times. It’s a surprisingly complicated procedure.

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Source: Cashmoneys
Price: £19.49
Where To Get It: Steam

Oh hell… I got played by Comet… Comet, the worst liar on the ship outside of Shigemichi… She’d collaborated with me early on, and then… She voted me out in the final round. She wasn’t even a Gnosia, the other one was…

But here’s the thing… It was loop 40. And the characters get stat boosts and new abilities over time, just like you do. And, in the end, while I was a good orator, people had gotten tired of my shit, because I talked too much.

Here’s the takeaways, and they’re important for playing Gnosia overall: Be suspicious of even those you think are close friends… And consider your moves carefully, because, in this visual novel game of mafia, even the basics of accuse, cover, defend, and argue can backfire on you. And, throughout it all, you’re trying to understand what’s even going on. Why are you entering all these alternate timelines? What are the Gnosia, the mafia of this game who can erase one person from reality each night? What are the Bugs, the people who can destroy the universe with their paradoxical presence? And… Who the hell are you and these other people anyway?

Right, a brief note on Mafia or Werewolf for those who don’t know. There are the killers, who can kill each night. It goes day, night, day, night, and each day, the group argues as to who the killer is (in Gnosia, there is no choice but to vote, even on the first day, by the way.) The game then introduces other roles: The AC Follower, who doesn’t know who the Gnosia are, but sows confusion in their name. The Bug, who, if they survive, win the game (and destroy that universe.) The Engineer, who can check someone each night to see if they’re Gnosia. The Doctor, who can check who you voted out each night to see if they were Gnosia. The Guardian Angels, who can protect one person a night, but not themselves, and The Guards, a pair who, if they declare themselves, can permanently remove suspicion of them, because no-one else can claim their role, unlike the Doctor or Engineer.

There’s your summary. Now, onto the aesthetics and the writing. Aesthetically, it’s simultaneously lovely, with its hand painted characters, and off, because there’s always something a little weird about the characters, exaggerated when they’re Gnosia, and they’ve won, showing their true colours. It’s accessible and friendly, with a sans serif font, clear icons, no faffing about that obscures things… I like it.

The writing is less clear cut, because, outside of character specific events, the introduction of features, and the occasional snippet, there’s not a whole lot of it. Is that a point against it? Well… No. Because the characters are fleshed out, the snippets are interesting (particularly amusing is the one where either Jonas or Shigemichi, an overly verbose and poetic captain and a gullible guy who alienised himself, out themselves as Gnosia because they couldn’t possibly lose that videogame they’re passionate about!), and these are clues as to who to trust. They tell you a little about their behaviours, who they’ll pick on, who they’ll defend. Kukrushka, for example, will defend you with all her sweet, mute heart if you’re her friend, but if you’re her enemy? Oh boy, she’s going to hate you and go after you every chance she gets. They’re helpful, and honestly, the whole cast is likeable, even Raqio, the smug nonbinary fucko (yes, there are queer folks in this game, another plus) who values intelligence over everything.

And some characters definitely appear to know more than they’re letting on. Hi, Yuriko.

Overall, I like Gnosia. It’s simple, it’s replayable by design, and while certain characters are a bitch to get all their fragments from (you have to futz with the difficulty to get a chance of ideal circumstances), it’s a pleasure to get to know a little more about them… And the overarching mysteries of the game. My only bitch about the port is a pretty minor one, and that’s that the mouse controls seem a bit finicky. But only a bit, there’s keyboard and controller to play, and it’s turn based, so no big.

The Mad Welshman is sus no matter what happens, so hey, vote him out, doom yourselves by all means!

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Source: Cashmoneys
Price: £15.49
Where To Get It: Steam

Content Warning: The game contains mentions of abuse, bullying, self harm, drugs, and suicide. Although TMW has not managed to fully check the CWs, they assume there are more, but these alone are biggies for a fair few folks.

Well… That’s been one hell of a ride.

Yeah, sometimes all you can really say as an opener is something so simple, because Hermitage: Strange Case Files is an emotional rollercoaster, and, naturally for a horror adventure game with obvious Lovecraft influences, it’s a deeply unsettling experience at times.

Slight, yet important tangent here, because I know something’s going to be said: Yes, Lovecraft was a racist fuck to the point where even his peers went “Whoooooah there, buddy!” Yes, a lot of his work has racism, and indeed, much of the subtext and theming is racist as fuck too. But if you are to judge a later work riffing on the created mythos, not on its own merits, but just as a sentence that starts with “This person liked Lovecraft’s work, ergo, they are -”, you’re doing a disservice to the creator in question.

Okay, that said, let’s go into it. Hermitage: Strange Case Files is a supernatural mystery visual novel, mostly from the perspective of a bookshop owner whose landlord is… Mysterious, and knows more than they’re letting on, his lawyer cum investigator friend, and the various people who are caught up in horrors that said trio help solve. The first chapter is available as a free demo, and oh boy, it’s a doozy. A private school. Bullying. Strange dreams that prove to be real. I would definitely say, if you have a trauma trigger about school bullying, that the descriptions are uncomfortably on point. In each chapter, there are only a few puzzles, the majority of which are to do with sliding clues onto questions to answer them (three per question), with three chances on each, and a bad ending awaiting if, well, you fuck any of them up.

So, let’s get the bad out the way: Scarlet text on a dark transparent box, with sometimes dark backgrounds? HAVE. COLOURBLINDNESS. OPTIONS. Some of the questions, perhaps due to the translation from Chinese to English, are worded in such a way that you likely won’t get it the first time, and sometimes, when you click to fast forward text before clicking again to skip the line… Well, it just skips the line before it’s done. Okay. That’s the bad out the way.

The writing is good. It will frustrate some folks to know that it has the feel of a sequel at the beginning, but most things get revealed by the end, don’t worry. It’s descriptive, it’s emotive (oh boy is it emotive), and the characters, even the ones who are introduced for only one chapter, are fleshed out as well as they can be for their screentime. It draws you in, and I honestly didn’t realise the first chapter took almost 2 hours, because, well, there were only five puzzles (technically four), and the writing drew me in.

Aesthetically, apart from the aforementioned accessibility issue, it’s styling… The character designs are sharp, an ink and airbrush style you often see in manhua, with the occasional more painted look, the menus of the game fit the mood and theme of a mystery game well, the locations are nice, and the soundtrack and ambient sound… Mmmm, chef’s kiss, it’s good stuff.

So yes, if you like horror, if the content warnings don’t turn you off, and if you like a nice visual novel to keep you up at night, then Hermitage is a definite recommendation from me.

Have. Colourblindness. Options. This is not a request.

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Source: Cashmoneys
Price: £15.99
Where To Get It: Steam

Muckingham, a town where beautification committees are considered quaint, and where Health and Safety Inspectors dare not enter, for fear of their lives, has a new hero. The hero they need. The hero they may or may not deserve. The one who’s going to clean up this town!

Oh, I’m sorry, was the title not clear enough that all that heroic guff was hyperbole, and that it is, in fact, a relaxing game about washing things with a high pressure hose, a variety of nozzles, and whatever background music you choose to put on, for the game deliberately has none? Because yes, it’s a game about cleaning things, both big and small, with a high pressure hose, a variety of nozzles, and whatever background music you choose to put on.

It’s pretty clever, actually. Because it’s not only a game you can take at your own pace, nobody can actually say it isn’t a challenge. That one tiny nook you missed, that’s stopping you from that dopamine inducing ting of “This has been cleaned now!” That swearing as you realise that your quick sweep has just left dirt that you can’t see, outside of your super-power of briefly turning dirt bright yellow, but is nonetheless all over the sodding place. Oh, and let us not forget trying to find that one support or timber out of 21 (people who’ve already bought the game know exactly what I mean) that has only mostly been cleaned.

It’s got it’s challenges, that’s for sure. But it’s well designed, in that it’ll give you a big one, maybe a couple of big ones… Then a smaller job. Then a few more big ones, maybe a medium one, smaller job, so on… It’s well paced, in its career mode, and the writing of the characters who hire you is humorous indeed. From the old park keeper who doesn’t understand why people are complaining about a little bit of muck (read: The whole fucking park), to the bakery folks who live in a rustic cottage, one Hansel and Gretel Hexenjager, who are definitely bakers and not anything else!

It’s pretty accessible, with a right click toggle of the water to save your poor finger if you wish (although alas, your wrist is likely to suffer if you play for long periods), clear UX, the bright yellow of the dirt sight clearly contrasting with a good 99% of the surfaces (so even though some grime may not be visible at first glance, it will always be when you Tab to check), colour coding for your nozzles…

And, aesthetically, it’s solid. Often bright, colourful locations, making a night and day transition from Ye Liveliest Awfulness to pristine, friendly locales, the sound of the pressure washer against various surfaces is relaxing, and fitting… It doesn’t have music, it’s true, but this is a deliberate decision so you can put your own on.

I like Powerwash Simulator already, a bunch, and I’m very unlikely to change this opinion. There’s a lot of rinsey, bubbly bang for your buck if you’re into nice, relaxing simulation games that aren’t really simulations, per se, but are good enough that you can imagine you’re having a nice, relaxing time drenching things at high pressure and watching the muck and grime and rust melt away…

…Ahhh, bliss. Even for a mucky pup like myself!

Oh, and the Multiplayer Beta dropped, so soon, you’ll be able to powerwash with your friends, too, wheeee!

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